Anxiety vs. Faith

[Richard Ferguson]

I can relate to the topic of anxiety that fills up your whole life.  The year or two before I went on
pilgrimage, my wife was diagnosed with cancer, my job was falling apart, and with it my
retirement plans and dreams.  Basically, I was just putting one foot in front of the other that
year, not doing well with supporting my wife, not doing well at my job, and just feeling the
weight of the whole world on my shoulders.  I was worried about everything.  I probably had
clinical depression as well, but no one told me that. Around that time, I started getting serious
about the Camino, ordered several books about the Camino, and started reading them.  Maybe
I really needed to have a dream at that time. Amazingly, everything came out OK, my wife is
apparently clear of cancer, and I got the blessing of an early retirement that freed me from the
company at the best possible time.  So I was able to go on pilgrimage, at about the time that I
had originally planned to go, without the anxiety and the two big millstones that had weighted
me down the year before.  I learned that anxiety can really pin you down, making everything
look difficult or impossible, inducing a kind of paralysis.

I have been thinking lately about how I approached the pilgrimage.  Normally I plan a trip in
great detail.  A friend of mine, who has traveled with me, was recently astounded to learn that I
left the USA with no reservations of any kind, other than a return flight, so I started thinking
about what that meant. To go far from home without every detail worked out, is a kind of faith or
confidence.  I looked up faith in my dictionary, and the first definition was "trust or confidence".
"Confidence and trust in God" was listed later.  You need to have confidence to attempt
something new and difficult.  I think that you need some level of faith and confidence to start a
pilgrimage.  If you are fortunate, you will have more faith and confidence at the end of the
pilgrimage, I know that I did.

I think that anxiety and faith are really opposites, that the more faith and confidence that you
have, the less anxiety you will have, and vice-versa.

I that any act of pilgrimage is an act of faith.  It is an act of faith in God, in whatever way you
see Him/Her.  It is also an act of confidence in yourself, that you can do something difficult and
unknown.  Most people who go on the Camino have never done anything like that before.
Somehow you need the confidence that you can really do it, that nothing really bad will happen
to you.  One could start the Camino with a lot of selfconfidence, with a lot of faith in God, or
with a little of each, but it would be very difficult to start without either.  It may be a special act
of faith to do the Camino solo, far from home, without bringing your friend or support group,
especially if you are not in the habit of traveling alone.  Think about the faith of the medieval
pilgrims, who made the journey without Visa cards and other modern conveniences.

If you want to dig out your bible, look at Matthew chapter 10, verses 28 to 31.  Jesus is telling
the apostles not to be afraid as they set forth on their journey.  I think that everyone is afraid or
anxious when they do something new.  I suggest that one should pray for the faith and
confidence that you need to start such a great undertaking.  Maybe you have heard the
expression "Let go and let God."  It really means stop worrying and start trusting in God.  By
no means is that easy, but maybe that is part of the faith journey.

Richard