Almost - pre-Camino jitters

[Jilek, Glenn]

I have not experienced a true panic attack, but have both a close friend and a relative who experience this from time to time.  They have a difficult time just leaving their homes when an attack comes.  As extreme as Doug's experience was, I don't think that it was a true panic attack  as I have observed them.  I also appreciate his frank discussion of his experience...I think it took a lot of courage to recount that experience.

I am not planning on doing the Camino until May 2005 (this will coincide with a major life change as I move from a comfortable, secure, predictable work situation to something totally new and different), but I can imagine that I will have a full range of emotions: anticipation, anxiety, excitement, worry, etc..

I recently wrote a Camino friend about a childhood experience of tracing the progress of fairy tale heroes across an unknown and dangerous land (I remember the edge of the map had a serpent and the words "Here Be Dragons".  When I was young, I never thought of the knights and other heroes having fear...they just did what they had to do to arrive at their goal and find treasure, love, and/or some truth.  But now I know they were scared too.  I have learned that every time I get that feeling of anxiety, it means that there is something valuable ahead for me, and I just have to get through it (slay the dragon so to speak), "to win the prize".  Looking back on my life, I always gained by fording ahead through fear, and regret only the times that I couldn't conjure enough courage to make it because I can see now what was lost.  I guess the way I look at it at this point is that when I experience fear, I don't take it as a "red traffic light" and stop...but more like the "yellow t!
 raffic light" and proceed with caution.

In Nancy Frey's book (I believe) there is a picture of part of the meseta...a wide open expanse of land stretching to the horizon.  As much as I want to do the Camino, I felt anxious just looking at that picture.  I felt like the landscape could just swallow me up...and I could almost picture the symbol on that fairy tale map "Here Be Dragons!".  But I'm going to do it, one step at a time.

I appreciate all of the messages and knowledge that everyone shares here!

Glenn