Why?

[Sue Kenney]

wisdom's aspirant wrote:

> Just out of curiosity, are people able to say why they decided to walk the
> Camino and how their experience related to their purpose?

My Miracle on Cebreiro

When I started my pilgrimage, I wrote in my diary that I wanted to accomplish
two things on the Camino, besides the fact that I was walking 780 kms.
Firstly, I wanted to find my purpose in life. To gain an understanding of
myself and my value to the world at large. Having spent 20 years in a marriage
that broke up, 17 years as a mother to 3 daughters, 20 years at Bell Canada
and numerous other life events, I had lost the sense of who I was. (I think it
is affectionately called mid-life crisis!)

Second, I wanted to have a love affair with myself. Really, I had forgotten
how to love myself, feeling that I had given so much love away I didn't have
any left for myself. Each day on the Camino, I would practice what it might be
like to love myself. I would walk tall, opening my heart to the love of the
universe. I would pretend that I loved myself imagining how one might look
after themselves, if they were in love. When I met people, I tried to take
their love to make it a part of me  or sometimes I would do nothing, just to
be aware of noticing love.

I would stop and admire the scenery along the way, again taking love from
nature and the surroundings. Soon this became a discipline I focussed on all
the time; to move from taking love to becoming love. Over a period of 24 days
I continued this practice each morning as I started the day while I was alone.

When I was in Los Arcos, around the 6th day of walking,  I went out for dinner
in the evening with a group of pilgrims. During dinner, I asked if anyone knew
why there were stone piles or rock cairns along the roadside. It was the
German pilgrim who told me his version of the story of  the "sorrow stones".
He said that if you pick up a stone and then put some of your sorrow  into the
stone, when you place it down you will leave your sorrow behind. Well, this
idea started a
new chapter in my pilgrimage. I had to make room in my heart for love and soon
learned that if I could leave some of my sorrow behind, I could create more
space for love. Near the end of the pilgrimage, I really wondered to myself if
I had any sorrow left at all. Everyday I left sorrow behind but not just my
own sorrow, I left my children's sorrow, my mother's, my sisters and many
friends sorrow on the Camino. When I met pilgrims along the way who told me of
their sorrow, I would secretly pick up a stone for them and leave their sorrow
behind as well. It was my gift to them. Long after I returned home from
Santiago, I fully realized the power of leaving sorrow behind to open oneself
for love and compassion.

On the 24th day, in Villa Franca I met up with the German pilgrim again. We
talked all evening sharing stories of our experiences. It was through the
conversation with him that I realized that I had in fact found my purpose in
life: to inspire others to think differently about their lives, to be more
loving. The next day we walked up Cebreiro, finishing the grueling climb at
7:30PM at night in darkness. Little did I know that it would be the following
day that I was to experience the profound outcome of the discipline of
learning self love.

Again, I walked with the German pilgrim that day which was unusual for me
because I preferred to walk alone. Often we would stop and admire the mighty
mountains of Galicia, as it poured rain on us all day. It was now mid day and
I had been practicing self love all morning, even as we talked. Once again, we
stopped to take in the view of the mountains, this time my body was physically
stirred. As I stood there with my heart open, all the love of the universe
came to me in a rush. I called out with a pained moan and almost fell over, my
knees buckling against the power of this love. I became afraid and in my fear
quickly decided to get rid of the love in an effort to gain control. So, I
moved the love away from me passing it to the closest person, the only person
there, the German pilgrim. Almost instantly it came back to me with the same
force. This time, although in fear, I surrendered to the Camino and it's ways.
At that moment, I openly accepted this love and to my surprise,  instead of
becoming weaker because I gave in or surrendered, I became filled with
absolute love and incredible inner strength. It was like a beam of light
breaking through darkness.

Through this experience I discovered that for most of my life I had tried to
give love and then take it back, as two distinct actions. What I learned on
Cebriero is that love is flowing, constantly alive throughout the universe;
not something to give and take. I also learned that I became love through
surrender. I learned that I am love and I love myself.

I am forever grateful for "my miracle" on Cebriero.

Love,
Sue

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