difficult question

[Heather Lemley]

     I am not really sure how to state my uncertainties.  To start, all this political talk does make me worried.  I don't know what to think.  I am 20 and from the USA.  For most of my life I never knew that such extremely horrible things occured in the world.  I was really innocent.  Even now I don't know most of what goes on, who is responsible, etc.  So my question is, I have been struggling with this one for the past couple years, am I supposed to feel guilty and responsible for these things I had no hand in?  I mean, I know that my country does not reach the idealistic standard that many would like to believe in.  I don't live in a fantasy world.  Thinking about what my government and what American coorporations do gives me this sick feeling in my stomach.  It's like I've commited horrible atrocities that I knew nothing about.
     The USA is a bubble.  You spend your whole life here and from the inside you can't tell that there is anything wrong with having such an excess of food, or being bored because all of your basic needs are taken care of.  So I can't believe that we are absolutely 'bad' or 'evil'.  Americans are just like any other people in the world.  We want to live our lives to the best of our abilities with the resources that are around us.  It just so happens that we have an abundance of resources at the expense of others.  I never knew this.  I love meeting people from other countries and whenever I do I always drill them on how what their country is like.  I always have this nagging feeling though that I owe them something, or that there is no way they could ever really like me.  Basically, I am not sure what to do.  I have never personally wanted to harm anyone else.  It just happens by default I guess.  This must be the reason that people don't respond very well to anti-american !
 sentiment.  We don't feel that we personally have done anything wrong.  We were just put in this situation from birth.  And it hurts me so bad to see my boyfriend, who is in the Navy, because he honestly believes that the US stands for good and righteous principles and he actually believes in his job.  He's not just there because he has to be.  I don't want to see what it does to him the day he opens his eyes to the reality in the world.
     So I guess I am asking this question of the other people on this board who are from the US.  How do you feel about it, because I still can't figure out what to think or how to feel.  I can't hate my country, I just can't, but I can't go on believing in the bullshit fairy tale that Bush talked about for the first half hour of his state of the union address.

Heather