[Granville-Hough] 9 Sep 2009 - Mischief

[Trustees for Granville W. Hough]

Mischief – Farrell McAlpin

Our community mischief maker was Farrell McAlpin, but he was accused of 
more things than he was capable of doing. Others of his age group must 
have been aiding and abetting. Farrell lived on the next farm and was a 
frequent visitor in our home. He was in Harold and Dueward’s age group, 
and he and Dueward Hough were lifetime friends, even cronies. My view as 
a youngster was that he was the meanest man in the world, certainly in 
our very local world. None of our Sullivan neighbors were even close.
In the presence of my parents, Farrell was an example of respect and 
decorum. His real personality came out when no adults were in sight. In 
school, he was considered dull and slow. In fact, he was just 
indifferent to academic work. In the pursuit of some mischief, he could 
be innovative and brilliant, using knowledge and insights others did not 
have. Some of his activities could have been tragic.
One such near tragedy was on one of our trips to the swimming hole on 
Clear Creek near Milton and the old mill dam there. Farrell came over 
one day and suggested we go swimming. My father allowed Harold to drive 
our T-model truck, so we all got in and off we went to the swimming 
hole. I was about four and the youngest one. Farrell was about 14. We 
were having a great time, with the big boys jumping into the creek with 
great splashes. Farrell suggested I jump in and he would catch me. The 
water was about waist deep for him, but well over my head. I did this 
several times, and it was great fun. Farrell always caught me before I 
went under. The next time, he did not catch me and I went under. Then 
when Farrell grabbed me under water I was threshing about and he could 
not hold me. Everybody helped catch me and dragged me out, half 
strangled. From that day on, I had water phobia. If my head goes under 
water suddenly, I have an involuntary reaction and suck water into my 
lungs. It affected my three years at West Point, and I was only able to 
pass the 200 yard swimming test after everyone else had qualified and I 
was the only one left to compete in the pool. That was the week before I 
graduated. Now when I swim daily, I do so in a pool where I can stand 
up. So Farrell continues to affect my life to this day.
One of Farrell’s reputed stunts was to release a buzzard, freshly 
painted white, into prayer meeting at Concord Baptist Church. Farrell 
denied it, but he was there; which was sufficient for the community. 
What intrigued me was how he was able to capture a buzzard. I never 
asked him, as I was not sure I would get a straight answer. I did ask 
him once if he had ever seen the buzzard roost on Cohay Creek near Mize. 
Yes, he had seen it, and he described what it was like. The nests were 
high in trees which were covered with white droppings. The place smelled 
pretty bad as the buzzards brought back carrion to their fledglings in 
the nest, regurgitated it, then the fledglings gobbled it down the 
second time. The fledglings were white until they got their flying 
feathers, which were dark brown or black. No one bothered the buzzard 
roost because the buzzards performed a community service and their nests 
were as far away from humans as they could get. There was also a public 
sentiment about not disturbing any buzzard roost. So I concluded that 
Farrell has studied the buzzard roost but had decided it was too nasty 
and slippery to climb the trees and capture a buzzard.

I think Farrell just found a local dead animal carcass and set a bird 
cage trap next to it, until he caught a suitable buzzard. He then 
tethered the bird until he was ready to apply the white paint for the 
prayer meeting episode. (I got some support for this conclusion when 
Farrell made some knowledgeable remarks about my efforts to make a bird 
cage for catching doves and quail (bob whites). I had made it from split 
fire wood, with each separate piece about an inch wide and ½ inch thick. 
The shape was like a pyramid, and the trigger was of the letter 4 type. 
The trigger supported the upraised cage on one side. When the bird 
pecked the food on the end of the trigger, the support gave way and the 
cage enclosed the bird. Good enough Farrell said, for doves and quail, 
but a bigger or smarter bird would tear it apart.) It would have taken a 
pretty big bird cage to capture a turkey buzzard, but I’m sure Farrell 
could have made it. Alternatively, he could have used any ordinary game 
trap and just let the bird flap about until he got there.
Anyway, when the painted buzzard was released at prayer meeting by 
whomever, it caused pandemonium. Remember, the church was lit by one 
kerosene lamp, and the sight of a flapping white buzzard must have 
caused many to regret all their sins, recent and past. Finally, the bird 
got out an open window to freedom. We did not learn how its friends and 
relatives accepted it back into the buzzard fold. We do know, though, 
that Farrell was in danger of being thrown out of the human fold. He had 
laughed too loudly and too long. However, in the darkness, no one would 
admit to seeing Farrell bring in or release the bird. He brazenly denied 
any knowledge about it. When angry and querulous deacons pointed their 
fingers at him and reminded him that hellfire was coming, and soon; 
Farrell just quoted Mathew 24:36 right back at them, “But of that day 
and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father 
only.” As I noted above, Farrell was not dumb; and he could think of 
what he needed when under stress. It took some time for this episode to 
pass into church lore and history.
As teen agers, Farrell and Dueward made billy sticks, or bully clubs, in 
our carpenter/blacksmith shop. It was based on the idea of a policeman’s 
night stick, but the business end was drilled out and filled with lead 
balls. It was then sealed and wrapped in black insulating tape. It was 
said you could knock a man unconscious and not leave a mark on his head. 
They then carried these in their back pockets to events where they 
expected trouble. We never knew if they were used, but they may have 
prevented attack. Farrell graduated from the billy stick to a pistol 
when he became an adult, but Dueward opted for Peaceful Co-existence and 
never got into a fight that we learned about as an adult.
When my parents encountered Farrell, they always asked about the health 
and well-being of his parents, and also about the families of his 
brothers Newman, Clifton, and Drummond who lived nearby. Farrell would 
answer in detail and in his turn inquire about Harold and Rudolph, who 
had left our home. Those were the formalities of neighborly etiquette. 
In private, our parents always warned us about Farrell as bad company, 
personified. I believe my parents had also taken a larger view that it 
was better for Farrell to be a friend of the family than an enemy. In 
fact, every single one of us would have said, while Farrell was alive or 
now, that he had been and was our friend. That did not mean we approved 
of everything he did.