<HTML><FONT FACE=arial,helvetica><FONT SIZE=2>Leonard and Elyn:
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<BR>Actually, I do have a reply to this. When I first heard of the Camino (through Coelho's book, then MacLaine's - what was I thinking?!) I remember feeling a pull, but not for the Camino itself. Another reason (which, if you'll forgive me, is exceedingly personal, so I'll forgo mentioning it here) led me to Spain. I went though the motions of gathering gear and learning more about what I was doing. But when it came down to my actual motives, walking across the country was teh LAST thing I wanted to do. But maybe like you, Leonard, I truly felt I had no choice. Now maybe that's becuse I gave myself no other choice. As th etime drew near for me to leave, I experienced all the usual fears and trepidations, but in all relaity, if I could have backed out, I would have. I remember standing in front of the airport gate thinking "I could just go home and hide out for a month, no one would ever know.'" Yeah right! I delibe!
rately hadn't prepared physically or mentally for this challenge. Quite honestly, I think it was my stubbornness and my potential embarrassmentof not going that pushed through to the plane itself.
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<BR>Although I had a "reason" for walking, I now see that that was mearly a primary cause. I had many experiences which later told me that in regard I had been right: I had no choice in walking or not. Although in another way, it turned out to be something I really wanted to do all along.
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<BR>There are so many experiences and sometimes they can lead to sensory overload! There were times I literally hated being there and just wnated to go home. While I was walking, I didn't understand what I was doing nor why anymore. All those explanations ocme thorugh tiny little messages on a daily basis, but only after I've been home.
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<BR>Walk Leonard. My heart goes out to you as I remember well the stage you are in. I hope I'm not sounding condescending - it's not my intent. Know you have great support from many on this list, and if you want to talk further, you can e-mail me personally if you like. I've read with great interest things you have said up to now and find a great many similarities in things I was feeling. I can tell you more about "not wanting to do it" and the effects tehreof, but I don't want to take up any more space here on the list.
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<BR>For me, not wanting to walk turned out to be a cloaked representation of not wanting to initiate change. I'm sure it's sometihgn different for you.
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<BR>Warm regards,
<BR>Gabrielle</FONT></HTML>